Talk, talking a lot, but it's still talk, gotta love how it's somehow all on me...

Today is Sunday and I am recovering from a hectic weekend.

On Friday it was Karen's birthday and she loved her present even though it didn't look all that impressive! It's a convenient excuse to have to come and see her that weekend which is perfect :~). We went for a walk in the peak district, from Hathersage up to Stanage Edge and down to Lodge Moor. It was a great walk, not as pretty as in the snow, but we did have hail and it only took us three hours compared to six the previous time. I took numerous photos, mostly HDR's to get the clouds and shall hopefully find some time to reinstall paintshop pro and edit them. That evening we had various alcoholic products and played pictionary whilst eating cake. Truly a winning combination! Karen, Chris and I won which was fun although had we played once the bottle of red wine had taken its toll on Chris it may have been a different story. Whilst not everyone came for a variety of excuses I still had a great time! In fact the only person I felt that was missing was Tom who was ill unfortunately. Yesterday I worked when I eventually got home and then watched Ghostworld at Karen's, truly a WEIRD film. It didn't really end. I still don't understand why it was called Ghostworld even after reading IMBD and Wiki today.

Church was good, I think we really got through to some of the kids this morning and playing I went to the shops and bought... was hilarious. I am hopefully going to the Easter party to take photos on Friday which shall be another fun little project for me (as if I don't have enough to do =P). I spoke to Dan and Ellen about my predicament regarding next year and they were really supportive and helpful. They heavly suggested going for PhD's which is positive in that they know its still possible to get them this year but confusing as I think I still want to do a masters so I have a bit more time to plan a PhD application session! I suppose that there is no time like the present and just going for it may be what is meant to happen.

This afternoon I tried to read some books about my dissertation stuff but nearly fell asleep then I made an amazing omelette with bacon, peppers and onion. This evening I got distracted by watching the updates on the ice hockey, which was suitably nail biting and disappointing in equal measures. At least next weekend I get to enjoy the hockey without the stress of caring who wins (apart from the Steelers =P). I think I shall be welsh and support Cardiff as everybody loves an underdog.

I am looking forward to Easter as a break from being in Sheffield which is associated with work and a tinge of disappointment. The Lake district is always fun whatever the weather, Karen and I always keep ourselves amused. Then I get to spend time at home for a week which will be much needed, I like being cooked for, and I shall hopefully get cracking on my dissertation. Then I shall come back to Sheffield and get some work done before my final term starts. Maybe by then I will know a bit more about what is happening next year...

Why do I have to fly over every town up and down the line...

I am currently looking at a variety of border collies attempting to pick out my favourite thus condemning myself to another type of dog that we're going to have!

I have spent five hours on the internet today, no wonder work goes so slowly. I really really need to decrease the amount of time I spent procrastinating, its genuinely worrying me. I'm pretty worried about next year now, I really want to get onto a masters course and give myself a much better idea of what I want to do for a PhD but I am scared I won't make it. At least Karen is definitely going to be in Sheffield next year which is great for her. There's not much I can do about it now short of apply for as much as possible and hope and pray!

We are planning Easter at the moment, I am super excited about going to the lakes and getting some peace and quiet away from city life. Getting up early and walking the dog, taking too many photos and eating lots of tasty tasty foodies! Then I get to spend a week or two at home and do such fun activities like going to the dentist and playing on guitar hero. Karen will be coming to visit which is great, I really like going out and about in Durham with her, I find places that I haven't explored before, mostly coffee shops but I like cake so it's hunky dory!

This Friday it is Karen's birthday and I need to finish sorting out her present. I am also making an AMAZING cake on Thursday which is a super secret design, photos will be posted. I may set up my camera on timer mode (so, so sad!). We're hopefully going for a walk in the peaks on Friday which will be great if the weather is good and a pub tea is always a winner in my eyes. =P

I finally finished reading the New Testament last night so will start the Old and see if I can get through it in less than 6 months. I've really enjoyed doing the reading so far, its given me many hopeful and reassuring thoughts.

I should really go to bed soon as I need to be up bright and early ready for dissertation reading.

Some sort of window to your right, as he goes left and you stay right...

Quick little blog today. Its been a gorgeous day and I am looking forward to having a little walk in a bit to take pasta bake stuff to Karenstickalaren's. I am going to a meeting about Varsity photography, hopefully I shall get to cover the hockey! I can't decide how fussed I am about covering anything else really, maybe some lacrosse would be good but thats probably about it.

We're going out for Julie's birthday tonight which I am actually really looking forward to, hope its fun. We shall be going to Space for possibley the last time which is actually quite sad. I am still yet to accept that I will actually be leaving in June although I will still be able to come back and visit Karen. I'm getting nervous about my applications now as I sent a couple of masters ones off yesterday.

Anyway now I need to find some smart shoes and trousers!

Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these, so I sat alone and waited out the night...

I think I have blogger's block! Having made it to the magic 100 posts last week, my attention span has dwindled slightly. I shall hopefully be able to pick up in the near future to chronicle my trials and tribulations as I finish my undergraduate degree here at Sheffield.

I had a really good weekend at home, I took some pretty good photos of JB in action for his last game for DCHC which was enjoyable. I really like it when people like my photos. I sometimes have a sneak around facebook and see who's using photos I've taken as profile pictures and its occasionally rewarding. I'd love to turn my serious hobby into a little money earner one day. Maybe I'll get my chance, however as long as I am still enjoying taking photos I don't mind.

I am still in limbo regarding what challenges, both academic (hopefully!) and photographic, await next year. I am really liking the idea of a masters course I think as it will give me more experience, some more letters after my name, and a bit more of an insight into academia, which is where I would really like to stay. Whilst I'd have a hard time turning down a PhD offer from Oxford I'd have to have a serious think about what I really want to do, and equally importantly what's best for Karen and I.

I am scared of what happens if M has to bail on K and T, as its another thing that we really couldn't do with at the moment. Its very difficult to feel that there is a direction for any of us to go in at times like these but perseverence is key and new opportunities are worthwhile. I think I would like to end up in Nottingham as it'd be a whole lot easier for staying in close contact with Karen plus having C and J there would probably help me settle in to a new place.

My weight has decided to climb again, silly not being able to eat what I want. I shall go to the gym tomorrow and have an intense cardio session, maybe even 20 mins of running and biking! I want to get some weights I think, as Karen likes my arms when they are a bit more toned. Maybe I should buy something really heavy to lug about with me, such as a massive diamond ring, or a camera lens, or a dog!

One day Bertolli and fear of bears shall be shared...

Windmill, windmill for the land, love forever hand in hand...

Today has been a good day, despite not getting marked up (or down!) for any of my work in the autumn semester I have enjoyed myself.

A nice lie in (I really need an automatic blind opener device) and BMS lecture set me up perfectly for the day. I did a bit more of my Edinburgh and Nottingham applications before meeting Karen for a lunch based rendezvous. We had tasty food in City View, which I am really going to miss next year, and then bought biology ball tickets. This year its in the Winter Gardens so hopefully it will be amazing, I'm really looking forward to it! Hopefully everyone important will get a ticket.

We went and worked in the library this afternoon which was surprisingly productive, I even took a book out! Its really strange wandering around the totally silent, dark and musty stacks of books in the oldy worldy setting of the library compared to the noisey, light and pleasent smelling shelves in the IC. In a way I much prefer the library as it reminds me of a time when education wasn't controlled by the internet and everything was done by print. Whilst I don't ever want to have to any work like that (a PhD thesis would be killer!), its still a vaguely nostaglic thought. If I get into Oxford then I look forward to having a rustic and characterful library to nose around and pretend to be Harry Potter in!

Tonight I cooked an amazing tea - rich creamy cheese tomatoey sauce with sausage chunks, onions and peppers with pasta. Super super tasty! I have been getting on with my dissertation which is by far and away more exciting than either of my courseworks. I even ordered a book online!

Now I am off to Karens to deliver some pineapple juice and passata in exchange for a cuddle! =P

PS This is my 100th blog post! Hurrah! ^_^

I've got a funny feeling we're all born to lose...

Cheer up!

This week has been rather up and down to say the least but I feel a whole lot better now than Monday so I am going to focus on the positives and make sure that I take full advantages with any good opportunities that I am presented with!

I had a chat with Dr Graves on Thursday and he has convinced me to apply for PhDs as I am very determined to go into research; so I am looking at a few and the one which catches my eye most is at Oxford. Typical. I love doing things the hard way eh! I am also looking at master's courses and jobs to keep my options open and to avoid my dissertation which is scaring the crap out of me at the moment!

I am really sad that I will be leaving Sheffield actually, that's what's the most disappoint thing about the whole turn of events. I really felt like I belonged here with Karen and at this great church in such a wonderful community but apparently I am needed elsewhere. How perplexing.

Anyway, yesterday at the ungodly time of 6:30am I was awoken by Dashboard and eventually we got up ready for a fun packed day at Crufts! Now as a recently converted dog person I was excited but a little scared of what the day would bring, but two train journeys, four cobs and 530 photos later I was knackered but very happy at a good day!

We made it to the train station on time and spent the journey listening to some Leeds fans who were travelling down to Bristol (I think!) for the match. Between 8 and 9am they had had 3 cans of lager/ale each, a liquid breakfast indeed!

We arrived at the NEC after some great running between trains at New Street and missing the opportunity for an M&S smoothy! Once in the main hall it was my camera out and Karen 's giant grin out our cutest voices on for any puppy spotting! We came across two of the biggest dogs I have ever seen being walked around, I swear they were horses honest! There was ltos of information about the genetic testing dog breeders do/should do which was interesting from my nosey biological point of view. We wandered around and saw the cutest border terriers ever. We have now decided that this will be our first dog (which I am very secretly really looking forward to!) and moved on to more cuteness! We saw some Portuguese Podengos which Karen got to hug and very nearly ran off with one! After being overwhelmed with all the things you can buy for your pampered pooch (you can get hair dryers that look like ray guns!) we headed for the arena for the Eukanuba small team agility and international HTM where my memory card would take one hell of a battering in the few hours that we were sat there!

I really wish I had turned my noise reduction off earlier in the day as it really made a difference in the sharpness of my photos. The agility was impressive and the small dogs were hilarious. The HTM was great I really enjoyed it, very entertaining and obviously technically challenging. We spotted Anne and her crowd cheering for every single competitor (well almost ;). I was particularly impressed with the Czech girl who did a cowgirl routine which was fantastic, I think I got some good photos of it second time round. The Swedish girl was also very energetic to some Disney music and the dogs were obviously enjoying themselves.

Eventually we had to have a walk to prevent my legs from seizing up! We wandered around the trade stands and had a little nose at the YKC people including one adorable little girl that attaches herself to Karen at HTM shows (lolz). In the evening we watched the best in breed, I say we, I spent most of the time chimping at photos on my camera as I was a little tired at this point!

I agreed with Karen's choice on who should win and we got 3/4 right (I think!) so that was fun. Then we had a mad dash to the train station and a fairly uneventful trip home. I even read a couple of papers so felt good about myself for doing work when I really didn't have to!

I slept really well last night and enjoyed my first (and certainly not last!) visit to Crufts!

Today I haven't done much, just a bit of course work, some of my Oxford application and written up a lecture. I still have well over 700 photos to edit from the past few weeks which are really starting to pile up behind my work unfortunately. If only my computer was faster. =P

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately...

On the pros and cons of the future:

Do I want to do a masters? Yes

Pros

• I like learning stuff.
• I'd feel safer and under less pressure than a job.
• It would definitely only be for a year.

Cons

• It costs a lot.
• Would I be doing one for the sake of it?
• Am I too late to apply for one?
• Unsure of how much time and money I would have to come and visit Karen.
  

Do I want to get a job? Sort of.

Pros

• I would actually earn some money.
• I would be able to buy things with aforementioned money.
• It may possibly be easier to see Karen if I am not tied down to working a lot at home?
• Probably a good experience.

Cons

• Not sure I am ready for a job.
• Am scared of not being very good at it.
• I'd miss university life.

I'm not sure what to do, I feel like I have eggs and baskets everywhere.

I think I may have a crack at a couple of masters courses but look for jobs too to keep my options open for now.

It'll be ok, in fact its probably for the best, I just need time to adjust.

I'm very lucky to have people looking out for me.